Everyone has things they don’t like about themselves, whether it’s being too plump around the middle, or that lisp you might have. But apart from those physical characteristics, there are also plenty of mental traits we don’t like about ourselves as well, including those unwanted feelings of jealousy and malice that reveal a side of ourselves we’d rather not see.
Well, I recently finished reading the latest book in the A Court of Thorns and Roses series (a great series btw), and it referenced a mirror that was capable of showing the true self of whoever dared to look into it. The book said that many had tried, but lost their minds as a result because they couldn’t face their true nature.
This scene got me thinking about what I’d see in my reflection if I were to look into that mirror…
And so, over the past few weeks, I’ve started paying particular attention to those thoughts and feelings I had that I’m not proud of and would usually sweep under the rug. I wondered, then, what those things meant about what my true-self reflection would be.
I came to the conclusion that I don’t ever want to look in that mirror, xD. Just keeping mental tabs on the shame was pain inducing enough, haha.
What really piqued my interest, though, about emotions was this one podcast I listen to, thanks to my Mum’s recommendation (click here to read more about it), which has an episode called “Emotions”.
It introduced me to a whole new understanding of where emotions actually come from. The hosts had a leader in the field of neuroscience as the guest speaker, who explained that feelings are actually reactions to pre-conceived concepts of reality, versus a survival trait.
This is a link to her book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/How-Emotions-Are-Made-Secret/dp/0544133315
Think about it… remember those instances when you were a child and your parents had to explicitly tell you that you did something wrong? You wouldn’t have known otherwise, neither would you have felt bad. Whether it was something like stealing or plucking and discarding all your grandma’s native flowers (oops!), we remember thinking and feeling that it was no problem at the time. That is until we were taught otherwise, xD.
So, what she explains is that we are all socially conditioned to feel what we do when we do.
This is why, then, when I was listening to this other podcast (LOL), and it was mentioned how this guest speaker genuinely didn’t get jealous, I wondered… how can I get me some of that?
Because, I know I can resent people, even those I care about, if their success is greater than mine. And I hate that I feel that way, but I know (now), that there is a thought and a concept behind why I feel this way, and it can be changed! It’s a concept that also, then, must be different from this guest speaker’s because she apparently remains unaffected, even saying how, in her quarter-life-crisis, when she was really struggling to book acting jobs in contrast to her friends, she felt no envy or any negative emotion towards them or herself, and would genuinely be 100% happy for them!
I think there’s some power in accepting that we are fully responsible for all our feelings; the good the “meh” and the Voldemorts (those we shall not speak of, hehe).
It means that we can change and strive to become a better version of ourselves… hopefully, that version we always put in place of the heroine in our favourite YA novels, 😉.
Though it will take our entire lifetime and more, *sigh*, it’s a journey I’d much rather take in baby steps, then face all at once in that mirror, xD.
Until next time,